


Faith

by Winterstar



Series: Sins of the Day [4]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Abuse, Angst, M/M, Rape Aftermath, Rape/Non-con Elements, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-10
Updated: 2014-07-10
Packaged: 2018-02-08 05:40:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,669
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1928730
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Winterstar/pseuds/Winterstar
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony must come to terms with what happened to Steve, and Bruce tries to help him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Faith

“There isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for him,” Tony says and he wants to believe it. 

Bruce stands to the side; he’s made Tony a cup of tea and placed it in front of him. Tony hasn’t touched it, but he keeps his one hand around it, feeling the warmth, allowing it to seep into his bones. He knows his bones, his muscles are frozen, turning into ice because he cannot feel anymore. Everything is numb and ugly and barren. He imagines his bones as gnarled branches of long dead trees, the bark flaking off, the woody pith splintered and dried.

“Anything,” Tony murmurs and knows it isn’t true. He lies because he needs to pretend, he needs to know that somehow he’ll be able to fix it. If he cannot see his way past what has happened, how will they be a pair again? How will Steve be his completion?

“No,” Bruce says and comes to sit by Tony’s side. 

Tony wonders what room they’re in, he’s not sure he remembers where he is, or what has happened beyond the darkness of Steve – beyond the hell encompassing Steve and engulfing Tony in its wake. 

“No,” Bruce repeats and lays a hand gently but firmly on Tony’s shoulder.

“No,” Tony says and it rings like a bell on a clear day, but it does nothing to clarify his thoughts.

“You will not do anything for him,” Bruce says. He grumbles under his breath and Tony cannot catch his words. “That’s not what I mean, what I mean is everyone has limits, even you, Tony.”

Tony shakes his head. “Not in this, never in this.”

“Yes, even in this.”

Tony glances at him and then back at the pool of tea in the cup. “I need to help him, fix him.”

“It’s not about fixing him,” Bruce says. “There’s nothing wrong with Steve. This horrible thing happened to him. It broke him, but it didn’t make him wrong.”

“I didn’t say that,” Tony says and rubs a hand over his face. “Did I say that? I don’t think I did. I want to fix him because he’s broken.”

“You want to fix him because you think something’s wrong with him,” Bruce says. He nudges the tea at Tony. “Steve was beaten, abused.” He swallows audibly and says, “Raped. By his best friend. You have to know it broke him, but it doesn’t make him wrong. There’s a difference.”

Tony feels the bruise on his face, the one Steve gave him. It was an accident. Steve hadn’t meant it, but he slammed Tony into the wall when he’d slipped arms around him from the back. Tony sports some nice black and blue along his flank to go with his bruised cheekbone. 

“I know that, don’t you think I know that?” Tony says.

“I’m not sure,” Bruce says. “You seemed pretty pissed that Steve let this happen.”

“He threw down his shield, Bruce, threw it down,” Tony says. “When they fought on the helicarrier, all those months ago. That’s what he told Sam. He told Sam he didn’t fight after he’d saved the god damned world again. He wouldn’t fight Bucky. And now this?”

“Bucky didn’t do this,” Bruce says and, sighing, picks up the cup of tea and brings it to the sink. He dumps it out and then goes to the side cupboard. He places a tumbler in front of Tony and produces a flask of Scotch. He pours two fingers. “Drink.”

“I’m on the wagon, or didn’t you know?” Tony says.

“Are you, now?” Bruce says and arches a brow.

“Fuck you,” Tony says and pushes the glass away.

“That’s more like it.” 

“What?”

“You’re angry, you just don’t know who at yet,” Bruce says and settles at the table across from Tony. He folds his hands on the table and leans across it. “You don’t know if you should be mad at Steve, at Bucky, at yourself, even if you should be mad at the rest of the Avengers.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Sure you do,” Bruce says. “But I can tell you who you’re most angry with.”

“You’re a brilliant psychologist, now?”

“No, not really my thing,” Bruce says. “But I can tell you that you’re most angry at yourself.”

Tony crosses his arms over his chest, slumps back in the chair, watching the performance. If he portrays arrogance, he’s pleased. This whole fucked up situation eats away at his confidence – a little faked arrogance is a good thing. “Oh yes, tell me why.”

“Because even with the Iron Man, even with every single precaution you’ve installed in this Tower and our protocols, he was still hurt. You couldn’t protect someone you loved.”

Tony looks away, bows his head and squeezes his eyes closed. What the hell does Bruce know anyhow? Isn’t he the guy that fucked up so royally he ended up with a giant green rage monster inside of him? 

“You’re mad at Steve, and at Bucky, too, but not as angry as you are with yourself,” Bruce says. 

“I’m mad as hell at Bucky,” Tony says and cups a hand over his eyes. His head pounds with the fear, the terror. He keeps replaying how it must have happened, what must have happened. How shattered and beaten Steve had been, how he gave of himself to try and save his friend. It digs down inside of Tony, bores down into him like a drill. It devours and eats away at him. 

“You are, but you’re pissed as hell at yourself,” Bruce says. “I think you should confess that before you go and see him. He’ll never get past anything if you’re not truthful to yourself.”

“And you know this how-.”

With a sardonic turn of his mouth, Bruce replies, “Really? You have to ask that, really?”

“No, shit, no,” Tony says and heaves in a breath that supposed to cleanse him but only serves to suffocate him. How can air burn and smother him at the same time? 

“Then try it, Tony, say it.”

“Say what?” He’s stalling and he knows it.

“Everything, all of it,” Bruce says and waits. He taps a bit on the table, and the tune is slightly off and not rhythmic. It drives Tony a little mad.

“Stop, will you stop?” 

Bruce only half-chuckles but continues.

“Christ, I asked you to stop,” Tony says and stands up. 

“What?”

“Just stop, I know what you’re doing.” Tony paces the kitchen. Oh, that’s where he is, the communal kitchen with its perky sunlit walls and stainless steel appliances. He thinks he hates it here. “You’re just trying to piss me off enough to explode. You’re just using everything from that incessant tapping, to this damned ugly ass kitchen to piss me off so I’ll detonate. I’m not exploding here for you to pick up the pieces Bruce. This isn’t happening. I have to keep it together. If I don’t keep it together, how the hell is Steve going to? How the hell is Steve ever coming home again?

“How the hell can I protect him if I can’t keep it together? How? How did this fucking happen? He’s god damned Captain fucking America, and I’m Iron Man. Shit, you are the Hulk. How does this happen to us? When are we the victims and not the victors? When, how, what the hell is happening?”

His whole body shakes, rattles until his teeth feel like they might tumble out of his skull. He wants to know. “Why? Bruce? How the hell can I protect him? He’s the strongest man I know, both inside and out. Shit, he was probably the strongest man alive even before the damned serum. You know he was. We all know he was,” Tony says and there are tears, tears staining his cheeks and he violently wipes them away. “Jesus, tell me what I should do? What do you do? How?”

“Don’t try and fix things, just be there for him?” Bruce says. “It isn’t about fixing things, Tony. It’s about faith.”

“Faith? I’m sorry but you lost me there big guy, I’m not someone big on religion.”

“Faith in yourself, faith in Steve,” Bruce says. “You have to believe he can do this, you have to believe you and Steve can make it through this – otherwise you’ll both fail, you’ll both stumble and there will be no turning back.”

Tony nods, and scrubs at his face. It hurts the bruise but he doesn’t care. “Not going to be easy.”

“Nothing worth it, ever is.”

“Okay,” Tony says. He picks up the drink, studies it, and then throws it down the sink. “How do I start?”

“By realizing the whole picture?” Bruce says. “Knowing what you’re up against is the best place to start I would think.”

“I think I get that.”

“Do you? Because you’re not only having faith in yourself, and in Steve, but you’re going to have to believe in Bucky.”

“I’m not sure I can do that,” Tony hisses.

“You’ll have to,” Bruce says. “Because Steve has faith in him. Steve had faith in him during the entire ordeal. The only way to save them both, and yourself, is to have faith.”

“Faith,” Tony says and stares at the drain in the sink, wishing he hadn’t tosses the drink. 

“Faith,” Bruce echoes and there’s a certain solidarity that Tony latches onto, holds, as if he might be hanging by a thread from a mountain side. “You’ve put your faith in Steve before, don’t question it now.”

Resolved, Tony says, “You’re right. Steve did what he had to do. Steve’s a hero, for trying to save his friend. He has faith in Bucky, and so should I.” He hopes that if he keeps on repeating it, he’ll finally believe it. Faith is a harsh mistress, you either know her from the start or she’ll remain elusive and inexplicable forever. Deep down, he knows she’ll always be a mystery to him.

THE END

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, hope you like it....I will explore Bucky's POV very soon.
> 
> Follow me on [tumblr](http://winterstar95.tumblr.com) if you want.


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